First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
