I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
