You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
