I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
