Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize