Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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