its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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