is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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