If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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