break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
