Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
