Can i not drive my cunt home
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
