Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
