Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if only i could text you this smell
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
