if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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