apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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