i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
