We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
