Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
