Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
