the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
