The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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