I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
