So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Randomize
