I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
