Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
