I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
