Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize