And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
