She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
