It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm having to shit out rocks
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
