I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize