she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
