Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
