I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
