doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
