I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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