She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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