did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
