I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
