found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
