Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
