Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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