I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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