u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
