I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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