giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
