If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
