Porn is love you can see.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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