The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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