the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
