I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
