if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
