You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
