Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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