my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
