he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize