At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
