To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
