I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
