ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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