I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
