do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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