We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
