Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
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