I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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