Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
