Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
