WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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