My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
